The Half Baked Munchies Speech – Revised For The High Dieter

A Healthy Twist on Jim Breuer’s Iconic Munchie Speech from Half Baked

Chances are, if you’re on this site, you know the speech I’m talking about – And if you don’t, don’t worry, I’ve embedded the clip for your viewing pleasuse (but you should really set aside 90 minutes and watch Half Baked next time you get baked).  With that, I’ve decided to reinterpret Brian’s (Jim Breuer) iconic munchies rant from The High Dieter’s perspective – in other words, what would The High Dieter ask for. Here is Brian’s version:

“Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s’mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap’n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.”

While that definitely sounds delicious, here’s a breakdown of the healthier substitutions that The High Dieter would make:

Sour Cream and Onion Chips – and Dip : Creamy Ranch Soy Crisps - and Fat Free Sour Cream Dip

Beef Jerky : Trader Joes Teriyaki Turkey Jerky

Peanut Butter : Almond Butter

Haagen-Dazs Ice Ceram Bars : Skinny Cow Ice Cream Bars

Popcorn : Newman’s Own No Butter / No Salt 94% Fat Free Popcorn

Graham Crackers : Low Fat Honey Maid Graham Crackers

Marshmallows : Walden Farms Calorie Free Marshmellow Dip

Little Chocolate Bars : Hershey’s Extra Dark Chocolate Stick

Smores : Chewy Low Fat S’mores Granola Bar

Celery : Celery

Grape Jelly : Smucker’s Sugar Free Concord Grape Jam with Splenda

Cap’n Crunch Berries : Barbara’s Bakery Puffin Puffs Fruit Medley Cereal

Pizza : Whole Wheat Pizza or Totally Toasted Pizza

Water : Water

Funyons : Garlic & Onion Soy Crisps

So, while this one doesn’t read nearly as well, for the sake of humor, here we go:

“Get some Creamy Ranch Soy Crisps with some dip, man, some Turkey Jerky, some Almond Butter. Get some Skinny Cow ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure Dark Chocolate, gotta have Dark Chocolate, man. Some Low Fat Popcorn, red popcorn, Low Fat Graham Crackers, Graham Crackers with Calorie Free Marshmellow Dip, the little marshmallows and little Dark Chocolate Sticks and we can have S’mores Granola Bars, man. Also, celery, Sugar Free Grape Jam, Puffins with the little Fruit Medley, Whole Wheat Pizzas. We need two big Whole Wheat Pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, with water, whole lotta water, and Garlic & Onion Soy Crisps.”

We hope you enjoyed this healthy rendition of The Half Baked Munchy Speech – Please share the love on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Digg, and Bizangle Jangle!